Please, Somebody, Make it Stop!

It's November 7, 2006, and here in America, we all know what that means. It means whatever you do today, be sure to exercise your rights as an American by staying the hell away from your telephone.

Yes, friends, it's election day. The day when we celebrate democracy by getting phone call after phone call telling us how to think. Campaigners call us. Candidates call us. Well, actually, the candidates themselves don't call. Computers call, with messages the candidates have pre-recorded.

Yeah. Like, that's who I want to vote for. Someone whose basic message is, "[Three second pause to be absolutely sure I have answered the phone...] Hello. I'm Fred Z. Teleterror, and my time is more important than yours. That's why I'm interrupting your work day with this pre-recorded message, rather than calling you personally, to remind you to vote. Because who knows? You might be too stupid to remember to vote today, even though election day is front page news, and 583 other people have already reminded you to vote. This is an extremely important election year. Some election years... not so important. But this year, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Have you hung up yet? Is anybody still listening to me? Hellooooo????? [::click::]"

In 2004, I received eight calls -- eight calls! -- from the Democratic Party. Six of those calls occurred during a two-hour period in the evening, just as polls were getting ready to close.

Personal message to the Democratic Party: It is not necessary to call and remind me to vote... six times in one evening... after I have already voted!

I became sufficiently irritated that I sent the party headquarters a letter after election season was over, asking them why they felt it necessary to call me that many times. They never responded. I guess they didn't like me interrupting their work with petty inquiries.

This year, I am tempted not to vote at all if I get too many phone calls. It's a tough dilemma. Who would I rather see crash and burn? George W. Bush's cronies, or every telemarketer in America?

By a paper-thin margin of error, the phone call people win. I'm going to vote. Then, I'm going to hide under my desk and whimper until 8 p.m. when the polls close and my phone stops ringing.

Comments

[J.]

Hmmm. Until I read this post, I always thought getting 6 or 7 calls from the Democratic party on election day was a normal phenomenon, but maybe that's because I live and vote in Chicago. "Vote early, vote often" is practically our city's official motto.

[brrre]

Oh, my Dog (dyslectic today) you're stupid! Those callers are of course republicans who claim to be democrats when they are calling.
Just to piss you off and make you stay at home... Like most americans...