Dear Vice President Cheney, I Don't Love You, but Will You Marry Me Anyway?

Attention Writers! I have just unlocked the secret to writing a guaranteed best-selling book! All you need to do is include some red hot lesbian love scenes. Oh, also, you must be married to Vice President Dick Cheney.

Lynne Cheney, the vice president's wife, is sitting on a literary goldmine, yet she is failing to capitalize on it.

Let's recap: Virginia Democratic Senate hopeful Jim Webb came under fire last week after his incumbant opponent, Republican George Allen, attacked Webb for writing novels with sexually explicit passages.

Webb lashed back, and told Washington Post Radio, "I mean we can go and read Lynne Cheney's lesbian love scenes if you want to, you know, get graphic on stuff."

The vice president's wife is now denying she ever wrote anything sexually explicit. Reporting on her out-of-print novel, Sisters, however, CNN had this to say:

Reviews have long described the book as "racy" and "steamy." Excerpts highlight a love story between two women and talk of sharing a bed.

Hmmm... sure sounds like red hot lesbian love to me.

Personal note to Ms. Cheney: Relax! Red hot lesbian love is nothing to be ashamed of. Seriously, you would win the hearts of many Democrats, especially red hot lesbian Democrats, if you would stop hiding such things.

Here's what I don't get: With all this controversy brewing, Ms. Cheney could be making millions of dollars in book sales; however, CNN reports she has convinced her publisher not to re-release the out-of-print book. As a result, used copies have been selling on eBay for hundreds of dollars.  Hundreds of dollars for a book the author says isn't very good. Also, she says, it contains no red hot lesbian love scenes and nobody should read it because, really, there's nothing inside worth looking at; please move along.

What I'd like to know is: What exactly has Ms. Cheney done to "convince" her publisher not to re-release the book? The reality of the publishing industry is if a publisher owns the rights to a book that is a guaranteed best-seller -- even if the book totally sucks (or the red hot lesbian equivalent thereof) -- the publisher is going to publish the book whether the author wants it out there or not. It's about money. What have Ms. Cheney and her husband done to convince the publisher not to publish a guaranteed insta-success that is currently selling for hundreds of dollars per copy?

As for myself, I am seriously considering changing the next edition of my own book, which flirted last week with Amazon's 10,000 mark but never topped it. My book is autobiographical, and I wanted to keep it clean; therefore, before it went to press, I deleted all of my own personal red hot lesbian love experiences. Next edition, I'm putting them back in. Also, I am going to ask Vice President Cheney to dump his wife and marry me. He's not at all my type,  but it's a small price to pay for literary stardom. 

Comments

[brrre]

Dave and Dick's red hot lesbian nights??!! Sorry, there goes my lunch....

[Dave Fox]

Oh man... there goes my breakfast!!! Why do parents name their sons Dick?

(Well, I suppose in his case, if the shoe fits....)

[brrre]

The shoe fits, but why on earth did they feed him?