Oslo, Norway
I'm with my tour group, leading a walking tour around Norway's capital city. We are standing in front of Stortinget. Literally translated, Stortinget means "The Big Thing." It's what Norwegians call their parliament.
I am attempting to enlighten my group as to why Norway has opted not to join the European Union. I am explaining the country has some unique economic issues that led a slim majority of Norwegians to vote against EU membership in the last referendum.
Suddenly I realize nobody is listening.
Their gaze is riveted to somebody else. It is one of those statue people who paint their faces silver or ghost-white, and stand perfectly still for hours on end, hoping people will throw money into their hat.
I don't like the statue people. They creep me out. They are all over Europe. I find it extremely difficult to walk down the street without tickling them. I fantasize about arming myself one day with a squirt gun, and seeing how long they stand still for if I attack them.
This one statue person has captured my group's attention. This is because a pigeon has landed on the statue person. The pigeon is just sort of hanging out, pacing to and fro on the statue person's forearm. I am hoping the pigeon will relieve itself, or peck the statue person.
But the statue person isn't budging. After a brief pause, I resume my talk on Norway and the EU.
I regain my group's attention for a moment. Then I lose them again. They are laughing hysterically now. I turn around. A second pigeon has landed on the statue person's head.
Eventually the birds get bored and fly away. I continue my walking tour without further incident... but it wounds my ego as I realize that for a brief moment, my group found a guy standing completely still, doing nothing, more interesting than my tour.
Nevertheless, I have devised a new weapon against the statue people that will be far more effective than a squirt gun. I'm going shopping for some bird seed.
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