I had a speaking gig on a cruise ship back in January that ended in Honolulu, and once I arrived, I spent a few days decompressing in Waikiki. Waikiki is a little bit like Las Vegas, only with water. It's a strange place to hang out by yourself.
My hotel was centrally located on the main drag. In the evening, there were three basic activities one could participate in:
- Hit the bars.
- Experience a highly cheesy made-for-tourists luau.
- Enjoy a fun-filled evening of traditional culture with one of the many prostitutes who work the strip.
I partook in activities one and two, but decided to forego option number three. This was primarily because the official Waikiki Prostitute Uniform was a big turn-off.
In most cities, prostitutes advertise their services by walking around in skimpy clothing, but in Waikiki, where even in January, daytime temps top 80 degrees Fahreinheit, everybody wears skimpy clothing. So the working girls have had to find another way to stand out.
To do this, they wear the highest high-heel shoes ever invented. The heels are at least four inches tall. I'm not sure how they learn to walk in them, but I'm guessing a special license is required.
So here I was wandering innocently back to my hotel one evening when a voice bellowed down from the sky asking if I wanted to go have a good time.
Here's a helpful business tip for Waikiki prostitutes: If you're going to solicit business from guys like me who are five-foot-four, you'll have much better luck if you take your shoes off first.
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