Dave Fox's Outbursts!

Online Humor Writing Class Starts September 13

Contrary to popular belief, a "sense of humor" is not a magical "gift" that a few special people are born with. Humor and writing are both skills that anyone can develop. In this six-week online workshop, I'll teach you how!

Discover the techniques professional comedy writers use to write consistently funny material. You'll learn how to think, write, and be funnier. (You will not learn how to smell funnier. You must figure out that part on your own.)

For more information, please visit the Online Writing Classes page on my main website.

Somebody Call the Human Whisperer!

Dear Neighbo(u)r:

It's past midnight here in Singapore. Since going outside at this hour every night, and screaming loudly at your dog, never stops your dog from barking loudly, could you please shut up and go inside so I only have to listen to one of you?

Love,
Dave

My Own Anderson-Cooper-Style, On-Air Laughing Fit

Anderson Cooper’s squealing fit on AC360 last night was epic. It reminded me of my own most ridiculous on-air incident, way back in 1992, when I was anchoring the evening news on the Ideas Network of Wisconsin Public Radio.

I had come to the station from commercial radio, and was dealing with a different delivery style from the “infotainment” format I’d worked with at other stations. The Public Radio stories I read were supposed to have some sort of serious political or social impact. Furthermore, at age 24, I’d been coached in how to sound like a 60-something professor.

It was a slow news day. Minutes before airtime, I was combing through the AP wire. I needed 30 more seconds of material and there was a funny story I wanted to read. But I knew it didn’t really fit the station’s format.

I looked for something else, but with two minutes before I had to dash from the newsroom to the studio and anchor the news live, I had nothing else. I snagged the wire copy and headed to the studio.

The story was about a teen in Boscobel, Wisconsin, who had been arrested for stealing four items from a pet store: A snake, a tarantula, an iguana… and a book called “My First Lizard.”

It was a funny story, and a story I could have delivered with the light but controlled tone it deserved on a commercial station. But halfway through reading it, a thought buzzed through my mind again: “I should not be reading this story on this station.”

I was live, however, halfway through the story. I had no choice but to keep going. When I got to the book title, I could feel the laughter building like the moment before an explosive sneeze. I couldn’t have a laughing fit on the air. But I couldn’t contain myself either. So I got through the story… with a mischievous snicker as I read the book title. Then, I killed the mic.

Through several second of dead air, I doubled over in my chair, eventually falling on the floor from laughing so hard. Tears were streaming down my face as I had a private laugh attack in the studio. It wasn’t the story that was making me laugh so hard. It was the fact that I was reading it — a combined feeling of rebellion and concern that I might get in trouble. The newscast was just about over. With the microphone still off, dead air stretching longer, I tried to compose myself. I had to say just one thing, and then I could push the button that started the next hour’s program.

“This is Wisconsin Public Radio News. I’m Dave Fox.”

So I got it together. Took a deep breath. Put on a serious face. Turned on the mic. “This is Wisconsin Public Radio News,” I said, as the thought “Oh no, not again” rambled through my brain. As I got to my name, I lost it. My convulsive laughing fit, similar in volume to Anderson Cooper’s last night, was heard throughout Wisconsin.

My one saving grace was that this was radio, not television, and a one person show at that. I could bail now and go into the next hour’s program. So my own on-air meltdown back in 1992 did not drag on as long as Cooper’s did last night, but it was equal on the cackling scale.

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Want to learn how to make other people cackle maniacally? My online workshop, Professional Humor Tricks for Writers, Speakers, and Other Misfits, begins September 13 (2011).

Hey Writers: Free E-Books from Writer's Digest Through August 22! (And Some Shameless but Brief Self-Promotion: New Online Humor Writing Class Starts September 13.)

In a desperate plea for attention (no, seriously, this is a great promotion they're running!), Writer's Digest Books is offering nine free e-books, downloadable on several different platforms, through August 22. You'll find all the info at writersdigest.com/back-to-school-sale.

I've just downloaded three of them to my Kindle account. If you don't have an e-book reader, Amazon now lets you download free apps to let you read Kindle e-books on a variety of devices including most smart phones and computers. You'll find the details if you scroll down near the bottom of this page to the section that says, "Buy Once, Read Everywhere." (I was skeptical about reading books on my iPhone screen, but I use the Kindle for iPhone app on the Singapore subway all the time and I love it.)

Speaking of writing, I'm teaching another round of my uproariously enriching, six-week, online workshop, "Professional Humor Tricks for Writers, Speakers, and Other Misfits," starting on September 13. Yes, you actually can learn to write, think, and be funnier, and I'll teach you how! You'll find the details on my Online Writing Classes page.

Delta Airlines to Their Senior Employees: "Let Them Eat Cake"

Twitter's #travel community has been rallying today behind Bob Reardon. On October 1, Reardon will celebrate his 60th year as a flight attendant for Delta Airlines.

Sixty years as a flight attendant! Can you imagine how many passengers this guy has served? Can you imagine how many weather delays he has suffered through? How many in-flight meals he has choked down? How many self-important jerks he has had to appease over the years?

Can you imagine how many miles he has flown?

I've flown a fair number of miles myself, and as a frequent flier, the airlines have rewarded me with free tickets, upgrades, first-class lounge access when I'm flying in economy class... some nice perks that make me a little less cranky in seasons when I have to endure lots of long-haul flights. But when I say I've flown "a fair number of miles," I'm talking a few hundred-thousand. For Bob Reardon, 60 years on the job, we're talking millions and millions of miles.

So how is Delta rewarding Mr. Reardon for his 60 years of dedication to the company?

They're giving him a cake.

Yup.

It better be a fucking good cake.

So, yeah, the travel community is a little perturbed by this. Flight attendant and airline industry tweeters are particularly miffed, and the rest of us are just sort of indignantly bandying about the story because, hey, it's fun Twitter fodder. (So thanks @delta for that.)

Tweeters are demanding that Reardon get more than just a cake. And to Delta's credit, they are also throwing in some hors d'oeuvres, according to the Minneapolis Star-Tribune.

But wait! There's more!

Delta has also informed Mr. Reardon that if he stays with the airline for another decade, in 2021 they'll give him frosting.

Chicken Sherbet: Traditionally Singaporean or Shall We Blame America?

Singapore

Today is National Day here in Singapore -- the 46th anniversary of the country's independence -- marked by a huge parade and fireworks this evening. I have celebrated thus far by having lunch at a traditionally Singaporean restaurant: Swensen's.

If you grew up in the United States, you might recall this purveyor of ice creamy goodness -- always a silver medal winner behind Farrell's -- but when your parents weren't willing to take you to a restaurant that herded you through a gauntlet of highly nutritious, old-fashioned candy and video games at the end of your family outing, Swensen's would suffice.

I thought Swensen's had gone the route of Farrell's years ago and gone out of business, but apparently, the restaurant still thrives in a few select pockets of the United States. Nevertheless, I was surprised to discover the chain, boasting its San Francisco roots, is thriving in practically every shopping mall in Singapore. (Farrell's for the record, has recently re-opened in a few spots in the US.)

To put this in perspective, Singapore, a small island city-state, has roughly 5-million inhabitants, and roughly 3.7-million shopping malls. That's a lot of locations to open a Swensen's franchise.

After a sweat-depleting hike through the MacRitchie Nature Reserve today, Kattina and I were craving healthy food and air conditioning. We mulled over a food court in a nearby shopping mall. (Every shopping mall in SIngapore has roughly 17 food courts. If you are doing the math, we're talking 62.9-million food courts in this nation of 5-million people. This does not include the hawker stalls, non-air-conditioned places that blur the lines between food courts and street food, where you can sweat profusely and enjoy a hearty serving of tasty, traditionally Singaporean chicken rice for a mere two dollars. There are roughly twice as many hawker stalls as food courts.)

(All of these statistics, of course, are going to provoke a handful of uptight Singaporeans into sending me irate e-mails, accusing me of making the numbers up. This is a humor blog, lah. Chill.)

Anyway... here were Kattina and I, trudging back from our outing, feeling hungry, craving AC and healthy food.

"You know, what I could really go for," I said to Kattina, "is a chicken Caesar salad."

She looked at me skeptically. "You know where to get a chicken Caesar?"

"I saw one on a menu somewhere. Where was it? Oh yes! Swensen's! And look! Right over there! SIx different shopping malls! I think I saw a Swensen's in that one!"

So we did something very traditionally Singaporean, and went to Swensen's at Thomson Plaza.

There was a chicken Caesar on the menu, but that's not what I ordered. I spotted something much more intriguing: the lime sherbet chicken salad. The name speaks for itself, but it's bizarre enough that I should confirm, yes, it is a chicken salad with a scoop of lime sherbet on top. I do not know if this exists at the original Stateside Swensens' (the SIngapore outlets have some Singaporean twists on the menu including chili crab pasta and durian ice cream), but I had to try it.

It's something I recommend trying once. It is not something I recommend trying twice. Like me, it was a little weird.