Sandwich Watch 2004: Stock Prices in Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Plummet as Investors Express Doubts

A davethefox.com Special Report

Share prices in the Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich continued their freefall this morning as investors expressed doubts about the sandwich's authenticity.

Just days ago, the miracle sandwich was bringing in a bid on eBay of $99,999,999.00 plus $9.95 shipping and handling and 55 cents insurance. The high bid price has plummeted since Wednesday, however, due to investor fears that the miracle market could be oversaturated and overpriced.

On Thursday afternoon, the high bid dropped from $18,750 to $7,600. Sandwich speculators then awoke this morning to discover more withdrawn bids, and a selling price back down at the original $3,000. At the time of this report, only three bids remain out of more than 40 original bids. Most of the bids have been retracted as investors have sobered up and recovered from their bouts of the munchies.

Speaking at an emergency European Sandwich Summit in Brussels, Belgium, US Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan said, "Virgin Mary sandwich shares are overvalued. Sooner or later, the cheesy bubble is going to burst, and the seller of the sandwich is going to find herself in hell with a bad case of lactose intolerance."

Meanwhile, grilled cheese analists are calling for a stock split. Jonathan Muenster, a broker for Cheddar-Swiss-and-Gruyere Investment Funds, told davethefox.com, "The seller's starting bid of $3,000 is too high. In order to remain competitive in this time of economic uncertainty, she is going to have to slice the sandwich into smaller triangles and reduce her price-per-crunch ratio to a more affordable level."

Comments

[Jacqueline Mackie Paisley Passey]

By the way, there's a vampire in second season Buffy that looks a lot like you. Brien and I giggle and say "Dave Fox!" whenever he comes on the screen.